Poem

Your brain is a magic place

Two times two

Equals four

The capital of Belgium

Is Brussels

They all ride the pink roller coaster

In your head

The wires in your brain

Connect the facts and figures

And send them down the chute

To your mouth

So you can answer the question

There is a special neighborhood in your brain

Where the dreams and memories live

The dreams live in shining jars filled with stars

And one jar is opened every night

And next to the dream jars

The memories

Replay the movie of your life

Scraps of you past float around

And when you remember, you grab them out of your brain

And put them in the VCR to watch again

And next to the dreams and the memories

Your imagination sleeps

When you want to fall out of reality,

Your imagination wakes up

And you get to go wherever you would like

You can even follow the stepping-stone path

Through the field full of daisies

To twenty years from now

And you have become exactly what you should become

Just say goodbye to reality

And hello to your brain, hello to imagining yourself

Just as you should be.

Imagination

Is your head's coloring book

Go outside the lines

When I was young, I had an imaginary friend.

Maybe you did, too.

She was everything I wanted her to be.

Her name was Scarlet, and she always shared her candy.

Today, I don't talk to Scarlet as much.

She has been replaced

by five excellent kids.

They always share their candy.

Soon though, Scarlet might come back, since

I have to leave these people soon.

I have to say "Goodbye."

I have to walk away with my back facing them.

I do not have to miss them.

But I will.

Six Special Sentences

May 2010

Reversed Worlds:

An Essay about E. M. Forster's "The Other Side of the Hedge"

December 15, 2009

"I want to live my adult life in contented comfort, helping others and doing what I enjoy, like playing the piano or swimming or lying still in a field to watch the clouds and birds go past."

I chose this sentence because it makes me feel hopeful and happy. I sincerely hope that the future I give myself in this sentence comes true, and that is why I like this sentence so much. It is peaceful, happy, and makes me look forward to the rest of my life.

Restrained Fury:

An Essay about Maya Angelou's "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings"

November 24, 2009

"The fact that Momma, "who owned the land [the girls]lived on, who forgot more than they would ever learn," was shown such downright indignity by these "dirty, mean, and impudent girls" made Ms. Angelou break down in tears of enmity."

I chose this sentence because I am am proud of the way I blended the quotes with sentence, and of the word "enmity," which I think was the perfect word to express my point.

Clinging to Nothing:

An Essay about Loren Eiseley's "The Brown Wasps"

November 10, 2009

I "quiver[ed] with fear in the great open sun" when I went outside that day, because my maple trees were gone, and they could not wrap me in their cooling shade, just as the creatures of the field must have felt when their world of green weeds and wildflowers was replaced with harsh, "blazing concrete."

This sentence brings back some unpleasant memories, but I think this is one of the reasons why I like it. I blended the quotes well, but I also think that I was able to strike an emotional chord with the reader. I hope that whoever reads this would feel my sadness at the loss of the beautiful trees.

Friendship

April 29, 2010

"They will be buried in your heart this Thursday."

I chose this sentence because it is short, which is unusual in my writing. I also liked it because it was surprising, and I ended think it was a successful way to end my essay.

My Second Self:

An Essay about My Sister

April 20, 2010

"When Gretchen babysat me, she was always my ally against the monsters that crept in the corners (alliteration) of my room when my parents were away. "

I chose this sentence because I used a good thesaurus word, "ally," and I also used alliteration well to make the sentence more interesting.

Love to the Rescue:

An Essay about William Shakespeare's "Sonnet #29" and My Life

February 9th, 2010

"Suffering is a part of life; it is something everyone must trudge through. "

I like this sentence because I think that I used semicolons properly. I used the semicolon to join two short, related clauses, but the sentence itself is still short and powerful.

hello i am maddy and i love people. i love rabbitsand i hate cats KITTY

Essay 22

Maddy Neff

Mr. Salsich

English 9

May 17, 2010

Internal Lost and Found:

An Essay about What I Have Learned About Myself this Year

I step out of the car, through the doors, into the noisy gym, and look around. I am lost. In Shakespeare's "The Tempest," old, kind Gonzalo says that the men from Milan "found themselves" after being absolutely lost, both physically on Prospero's island, and mentally within themselves. I know what he means, and I have experienced this feeling myself this school year.

TS At the beginning if this school year, I was anxious and morose, (thesaurus word) facing a year without my friends from last year; but in just a few weeks, I was laughing and smiling just as much as I had before. SD I don't think I have found myself fully this year-there are still pieces of me buried, waiting to be unearthed- but if I have learned one thing, it is that I am adaptable. CM At first, I had to adapt to a new set of friends, and I found I had the ability to form friendships, close, happy friendships at that, with people I had not spoken a word to last year. CM Although I was not in a traditional high school setting, I also adjusted to the mountainous piles of high school homework faster than I expected. SD In addition to my chameleon skills at school, I have also been readjusting at home. CM I was given a shiny white laptop for my birthday, and I have adapted to the responsibility of getting my work done on time instead of being distracted by the internet (although I do still struggle with this adaptation). CM I have also changed as a result of other responsibilities and tasks I have been given by my parents; I have learned how to be mature and diligent, (thesaurus word) able to mold myself around strenuous situations and fix them quickly. SD This year has shown me my own versatility. CM I have found one of my strengths in my ability to adapt to any pickle I get stuck in. CM I just stay calm, breathe, and think, and I find the light at the end of the tunnel so fast. CS At the beginning of this year, I was lost, but now, I am ready to graduate as my found, adaptable, happy self.

I step into the car, holding my diploma in my hand, so many smiling faces on the other side of the glass, and I look around. I have found myself, if only partially. I have graduated, and I am Maddy, adaptable, calm-in-a-crisis Maddy. Pine Point held the secret treasure of my moldable self within its halls.

Self Assessment

1. One writing issue I am continuing to work on: I am continuing to work on keeping my writing unified under each chunk. I worked especially hard in this essay to make sure that each CM fit appropriately under each SD.

2. One possible strong point I see in this essay: I think that I used my CMs to support my SDs well in my paragraph. My paragraph is also easy to understand, but still engaging and interesting.

3. One possible weak point I see: I might have been able to vary the sentence lengths more in my paragraph. I used a few short sentences, but not many, and I don't have many very long sentences.

Poem

If you could not imagine,

You would only be you.

You could never be anything else.

You could never be a tiger,

stalking prey in the jungle.

You could never be an astronaut,

viewing the swirly marble Earth from space.

You could never be a peregrine falcon,

shot like a bullet in the forest.

And all this, in your head, at age three.

You would never have nightmares.

You would never have sweet dreams.

You would just have to live each day,

never imagining how you would like it to be.

It would just be.

You would never be able to think of the future,

only the past.

The road of your life would pave itself at your feet

instead of stretching far ahead to the horizon.

You would just have to live accepting what happened to you

because you would not be able to envision anything better.

Imagine no imagining.

The next time you have a nightmare,

thank the stars in the skies.

Poem

Maddy Neff

Mr. Salsich

English 9

May 12, 2010

Fall inside your mind

Close your eyes

It's easy

Look! You can see with your eyes closed

You can see birds, with aqua feathers and pink beaks,

flying away from the nest

And you can see baby turtles hatching from fragile eggshells

Soon they will begin to crawl towards the future

And unicorns, too, because unicorns are real in your mind,

and the baby unicorns have only just begun to sparkle

But soon, sooner than you think, they will be old enough

To run as fast as a star falls

If you close your eyes enough, you can even see the six of us

In one year, twenty years, forty years, fifty years

And we will be older and wiser

And we will be happy

Just close your eyes and imagine, and you will see

We will be so happy

Essay 21

Maddy Neff

Mr. Salsich

English 9

May 6, 2010

Hideous Beauty:

An Essay about Naomi Shihab Nye's Poem "Valentine for Ernest Mann"

Pink roses, a cloudless blue sky, red lipstick, and diamonds are all beautiful- according to whom? There are no guidelines or rules about beauty. In Naomi Shihab Nye's poem, "A Valentine for Ernest Mann," she says that "nothing was ugly/ just because the world said so," and I know what she means. When I was in seventh grade, I had some foul experiences, but I found myself in a bed of roses in the end.

TS In Ms. Nye's poem, the author tells a man named Ernest Mann that "nothing [is] ugly just because the world [says] so, meaning that everyone else's definition of beauty is not necessarily accurate, and need not be your own idea of what is beautiful. SD Ms. Nye is saying that we should not take others' opinions to be fact, and live our lives according to a stranger's standards. CM If another person says that a painting is unappealing or grotesque, this is no reason to dislike the painting. CM The snap- judgement of another should not define elegance or allure. SD Just as the man in Ms. Nye's poem, vile things can be "reinvented" into stunning things; if a person thinks that something is beautiful, then it is. CM The man of Ms. Nye's bestowed two skunks, animals considered repulsive (apt thesaurus word) by most, with magical beauty, simply because he thought that they deserved it. CM If we can rethink smelly garbage dumps and unattractive wrinkles and wild warthogs (purposeful repetition), and recreate these unlovely things into things that are lovely, we will find beauty everywhere. CS The world's interpretation of beauty should not be your interpretation, for there are no rules defining it. You may have your own.

TS I agree wholeheartedly with Ms. Nye, and I can relate it to a negative experience I had as a seventh grader, which was later reconstructed into a positive experience. SD I don't think that the blind discrimination of some stranger should give meaning to what I think is beautiful. and if someone else says, "Oh, look at that nice sunset!" or "Oh, look at that pretty dress!", I am not obliged to agree. CM If I think that something is exquisitely beautiful, but some passing pessimist (apt thesaurus word) claims it is ugly, I do not see any rational reason why I should think the same, and if someone else says, "Oh, look at that nice sunset!" or "Oh, look at that pretty dress!," I am not obliged to agree (purposeful repetition). CM Just as Ms. Nye says, I can "reinvent" things and make them beautiful, even if they are horrendous to everyone else; if I can find the one aspect that makes them lovely, just as the man in the poem said that he "thought [the skunks] had such beautiful eyes," despite their stinky tails. SD One example of this idea in action in my life can be seen in something that happened to me in seventh grade. CM I had some overworked, unreasonable, petty, and vile (catalog of modifiers) teachers that year, and my parents decided it would be in my best interest to switch schools. CM So I ended up at Pine Point School, where I have learned a great deal and made some amazing and wonderful new friends; my terrible seventh grade year was transformed into an incredibly delightful two years at Pine Point. SD In the end, I am grateful that I had to go through the mess of that dreadful school year to arrive in the promise land of Pine Point. CM Perhaps the woman who received the skunks as a valentine felt the same way after realizing how alluring the skunks' eyes were, which had been masked by a veil of ugliness before. CM I see now that something negative was reshaped into something truly positive, and I am thankful. CS Just as Naomi Shihab Nye said in "Valentine for Ernest Mann," ugly, smelly, awful things, like skunks or cruel teachers, can be changed into beautiful experiences, simply through being thought of as beautiful.

As Ms. Nye and I will tell you, "nothing is ugly/ just because the world said so." Whether it be skunks or a few unjust teachers, good can always emerge from bad. Wonderful things are hiding in weeds, in a gray raining sky, and even in chapped lips. All it takes is a little searching, and the beauty appears.

Self Assessment

1. One writing issue I am continuing to work on: I am continuing to work on making my writing interesting for the reader. I am still trying to use more specific examples instead of vague language, but also keeping my writing concise.

2. One possible strong point I see in this essay: I am proud of my opening and closing paragraphs, because I think they capture the reader's attention and round out the essay well at the end. I think I did especially well with them in this essay.

3. One possible weak point I see in this essay: I might have repeated myself too much in this essay, and it might be boring for the reader. Next time, I might find ways to restate a point more creatively.

Essay 20

Maddy Neff

Mr. Salsich

English 9

April 29, 2010

Friendship

Dear reader,

This is a multi-genre essay about friendship, and what it means to me. I have written this essay by putting together a few different genres of writing style, including a letter, poems, an expository paragraph, and an obituary.

Thank you for reading,

Maddy

Without my friends, I would not be me. They are my missing pieces, and they are my foundations. I love them more than I can say.

Dear Someone,

To me, friendship is the brightest ray of light in my life. My friends are the force behind my ambition. Friends are the people who walk up to you and wrap their arms around you when everyone else has left you all alone. Friends are the people who know the one word, whispered from in your ear, that will have you rolling on the floor in laughter. Friends are the people who still want to be with you when you are sick and sneezing germs at them. I love my friends, and they love me. Friendship is a cheerful whistle, the fresh smell of summer rain, the golden taste of chocolate. Friendship is everything good.

My best pal Callie is my oldest friend

I liked her purple snow boots in kindergarten

She smiled at me, and ever since then,

We have been like two little pigs in a pen

My best friend Asia is a new found confidante

We tell each other secrets

She is like a favorite aunt

Who gives me advice and is always sweet and nice

She's got a special

Place in my heart

My friend named Gabby is a friend from my old school

She was a superb gymnast, and I thought that she was cool

So I asked her how to flip

And she gave me all the tips

And now we are always found together

Silly Lily is a new friend, too

She is like a friendly little monkey

I saw once at the zoo

She jumps and runs and makes me laugh

And I wish I to be her neighbor in the zoo,

Like the giraffe,

So I can always be with my little Lily bear

Joseph is a real cool cat

He knows where everything is at

Jojo is a real swell pal

I'd much rather be with him

than get a root canal. Great job!

Cassie and I bonded through lacrosse

We always practiced how to toss

But now, we are much closer

Than teammates on the field

And I can't wait to see how much more

This first-rate friendship will yield

If I didn't mention your name here, please don't be offended

Please don't think I dislike you or that our friendship's ended

I love you too, please don't doubt me

Please don't be sad or come and clout me

I just have some restricted time

So, I can't write all my loves a special rhyme

TS In Shakespeare's "The Tempest," the theme of friendship runs as an undercurrent throughout the whole play. SD On the surface, as the characters make their way through shipwrecks and sorcery and falling in love, the strong bonds of friendship also play a role. CM The two drunkards, Stephano and Trinculo, share a rather unusual friendship, unfortunately linked by their mutual attachment to alcohol. CM Ariel and Prospero share a type of friendship, too; though Prospero seems to dictate Ariel's life, and keeps her captive, Ariel is fond of her master, and Prospero of his servant. SD Friendship is also the base of love, which Miranda and Ferdinand find themselves deep in the midst of when they meet. CM In order for the two to have a happy marriage, they must be close friends as well as lovers, and be able to trust in each other, accept each other's flaws, and forgive mistakes, just as true friends do. CM With luck on their side, Miranda and Ferdinand will grow old together deeply in love, but also enjoying each other's company, and developing a strong friendship, for they must be the best of friends to live happily together. CS "The Tempest" shows some unique examples of friendship, which is the foundation for the most relationships in the play, be they loving or controlling relationships.

Obituary for a Friend

My friend, aged too young, passed away today. She died in a tragic accident, of a rare disease. He died when he was shot walking home from school. He died trying to save the person trapped in a burning building a few blocks away. You yourself might not have known her, but I did. She was a friend. He was a brother, she was a sister. He was a role model. He is gone. The empty space she left behind is a black hole, a bleeding wound. The wound will be long to heal. Her light and laughter is gone, replaced by a yearning like no other, a yearning to hug this friend just one more time, a yearning which cannot be satisfied. In lieu of flowers, please send donations to your closest friend. A memorial service will be held on the sand by the beach, in the sky, and in your memories of this person. They will be buried in your heart this Thursday.

Self Assessment

1. One writing issue I am continuing to work on: I am continuing to try to eliminate the tired or weak words from my essays, words like "very" or "nice."

2. One strong point I see in this essay: I think this essay is quite creative, and interesting for the reader. I really enjoyed the multi-genre style of writing an essay.

3. One weak point I see in this essay: the transitions between the different genres aren't very smooth. I just wrote from one to the other, without a smooth link between them, especially between the paragraph about "The Tempest" and the other sections.

Essay 19

Maddy Neff

English 9

Mr. Salsich

April 20, 2010

My Second Self:

An Essay about My Sister

Some people say that if one identical twin is injured, the other twin, despite the miles between them, can feel the pain. Although my sister and I are not identical twins-she has red hair and green eyes, and I am a blue-eyed blonde- I often feel as though we share an uncommon connection, linked through more than blood. We are best friends, inseparable at times, and I look up to her and love her completely. We are also highly protective of each other, just as Maya Angelou is protective of her grandmother in her essay "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings."

TS My sister Gretchen is my only sibling in our family of four, my best friend, my role model, (parallelism) and she is someone I admire deeply. SD I have countless memories of my sister and I when we were younger. CM I can vividly remember matching red dresses dotted with little snowmen that we both had, and the composition notebook of strange animals we had drawn together, and the odd variations of hide and seek we used to play in our backyard. CM When Gretchen babysat me, she was always my ally against the monsters that crept in the corners (alliteration) of my room when my parents were away. SD These days, Gretchen goes to art school in Boston; when she first went to college, many people were wary for her, thinking that she wouldn't make it in the "real world" with a degree in painting. CM She has proved these people wrong though, and I hold her determination, hard work, and passion in high regard. CM Gretchen is my mentor, and I try to imitate her spirit and strength of character when I face trouble. SD Gretchen is my kindred spirit (apt thesaurus word). CM We are crazy for the same absurd things: TV shows like Are You Being Served? and The Tim and Eric Awesome Show, lots of ketchup, Little Richard and Chuck Berry, and dresses from the eighties, to only name a few. CM Even though we are five years apart in age, I sometimes feel as though we are twins, because we often think and feel the same way, and we can communicate with each other without saying a word. CS Gretchen is my sidekick, and I am endlessly thankful we ended up together in the same family.

TS In Maya Angelou's essay "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings," Maya honors and feels extremely protective of Momma, her grandmother, and Gretchen and I feel the same way about each other. SD When some "powhitetrash" girls insult Momma, Maya feels as though she might "burst...a firecracker July-the-Fourth burst" because she is so enraged by the show of disrespect towards her grandmother. CM If someone insulted Gretchen, I would feel just as much resentment, and I might even give whoever dared to slight my sister a piece of my mind. CM If the situation were reversed, I know that Gretchen would also be just as protective of her little sister, putting her arm around me, protecting me from anyone who wished me harm, spouting out insults of her own in my defense (loose sentence). SD In "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings," Maya is so disturbed by the mistreatment of her grandmother that she breaks down in tears; I have the same response when someone tries to hurt my sister. CM Because I am so close to Gretchen, a stab in her back is a stab in mine, and when I see her in pain or being abused, I become very unsettled (apt thesaurus word). CM When the "powhitetrash" girls were cruel to Momma, Maya thought "about the rifle behind the door;" though my reactions are not quite as drastic as Maya's, I do feel strong indignation towards those who harm my sister. SD Another relation between "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings" and my relationship with my sister is the deep-routed respect that Maya has for her grandmother, similar to the admiration I have towards my sister. CM Maya says her grandmother "owned the land [the "powhitetrash"girls] lived on, [and] forgot more than they would ever learn," and this shows how much Maya reveres her grandmother's hard work and wisdom. CM I, too, honor Gretchen for her knowledge and good work ethic; I often go to her when I need advice or assistance. TS Maya Angelou and I have corresponding attitudes when it comes to the love we feel for our family members.

I do hope that neither Gretchen nor I ever break a leg, but if one of us did so, I believe that the other sister would share in the discomfort, even if we were not together. We possess a special bond. We are not only sisters, but best friends and confidantes. Maya Angelou would know about the bond I speak of, since she was so incensed by the "powhitetrash" girls' insolence towards her grandmother, a woman she looked so highly upon.

Self Assessment

1. One writing issue I am continuing to work on: I still need to work on weeding out unneeded words. This essay seems long to me, and I went through it and removed some words, but I still think it could be cleaned up a bit more.

2. One strong point I see: I think I did a good job of making this essay interesting for the reader. I used many specific examples and interesting words.

3. One possible weak point I see: again, I think this essay might have unnecessary words, and might use some neatening up.

Essay 18

Maddy Neff

Mr. Salsich

English 9

April 8, 2010

Heart Cooks Brain:

An Essay about One of My Favorite Songs and "The Tempest"

Music is my lifeline. Without my music, I would be in a nasty mood morning, noon, and night, because it is one of few things in my life that gives me total happiness. The song "Heart Cooks Brain", by the band Modest Mouse, is often playing on my ipod; when I am listening to this song, I turn up the volume all the way and get lost in the sound and the lyrics. These lyrics share a few ideas with those of Shakespeare's play, "The Tempest," as well.

TS Modest Mouse is one of my favorite bands because, because beneath lyrics that seem like nonsense, I often uncover meanings that match my own emotions perfectly. SD The song "Heart Cooks Brain" states "my brain's the burger and my heart's the coal." CM To me, this means that strong negative emotions can ruin someone's ability to think straight because thoughts are distorted by despair or rage. CM When a person is feeling distressed, they may feel as though their brain has been "fried" by their hopelessness, unable to function properly because it is trapped in a cage of dark emotion. SD I especially like "Heart Cooks Brain" because I know that I get frustrated when I am upset, and my emotions overtake me; I cannot think of anything but the thundercloud of hurt and worry looming over me. CM In fact, I often listen to "Heart Cooks Brain" when I feel this way, because I am consoled in knowing that I am not the only one who can't do her math homework when she is unnerved, who can't concentrate on her piano lesson when she is fighting with a friend, who can't do well on her test because she is crestfallen (apt thesaurus word). CM The lyrics "my brain's the cliff and my heart's the bitter buffalo" restate the same idea: harrowing emotions can drive a person's brain over the edge, making him or her feel confused, and I know how awful those times can be. SD The song also states "In this life that we call home, the years go fast and the days go so slow," and these words make me a bit fearful. CM The meaning that I take from them is that sometimes, we feel as though days of misery trudge forward interminably, but if we look back on those days later on, we might feel as though they we an absolute waste of life. CM When I hear those words, I try to think brightly and positively, because I do not want to look back and see that I spent precious time absorbed in my own angst. CS Modest Mouse is one of the few bands I can listen to and always love what I hear; their lyrics, especially in "Heart Cooks Brain," wholly express my own feelings in times of trial.

TS The lyrics of Modest Mouse's "Heart Cooks Brain" relate in a few different ways to the themes in Shakespeare's "The Tempest." SD The main relation I find is between the line "I push things out through my mouth, I get refilled through my ears" and the theme of listening in the play. CM Often times, when Prospero is trying to convey and important message to his daughter Miranda, he seems to believe she does not care to listen. CM He says to her "Thou attend'st not" and "I pray thee, mark me," because he feels as though his words are passing through her unheard, just as the line from "Heart Cooks Brain" expresses the feeling of being ignored; words are spoken, but they aren't heard, and they are pushed back into our minds where they stew and make worries. SD Another connection can be found in the line "The ravens and the seagulls push each other inward and outward," referring to an unending conflict between different species, or types of people. CM In "The Tempest," Caliban, the native monster, is always at odds with Prospero, the more powerful invader. CM Caliban resents Prospero for taking his freedom, and they fight over the land and who has rights to it, just as the birds in the song battle over whose patch of sky is whose. SD Also, the line "My brain's the weak heart, and my heart's the long stairs" reminds me of Miranda's reaction to the news of the king's ship lost at sea. CM She says "O the cry did knock/Against my very heart!"when she learns that the ship had been "dashed all to pieces," meaning that she felt deep sorrow for the men who had drowned in the shipwreck. CM Her grim knowledge tired out her "weak heart," making her depressed, and she was nearly reduced to tears. CS The emotional lyrics of Modest Mouse's "Heart Cooks Brain" contain many parallels to the themes and events of "The Tempest."

When my music reaches my ears, no matter what disasters are unfolding around me, I can't help but close my eyes and smile. Modest Mouse is a band whose music always makes me feel uplifted, and when "my brain's the burger and my heart's the coal," or when desolation distracts me, I can listen to "Heart Cooks Brain," and all my problems fall away. Now when I listen to "Heart Cooks Brain," I will be reminded of "The Tempest:" Prospero telling his daughter to pay attention, Caliban's feud with his master, and Miranda's sorrow for the sinking ship.

Self- Assessment

1. One writing issue I am continuing to work on: I'm still trying not to clutter up my writing with words I don't need. I am continuing to edit my writing to make it more fluid.

2. One strong point I see in this essay: In a few sentences, I used some alliteration, and I think it made my writing more poetic. I also think I connected the song to the play well, and backed up my points with good quotes.

3. One possible weak point I see: I could have made the closing paragraph a bit more interesting. I didn't really close the essay with a strong hook.

Essay 17

Maddy Neff

Mr. Salsich

English 9

April 5, 2010

A Quick Devotion:

An Essay about What I'm Dedicated to

My sneakers are tied and my hair is pulled back. I stretch my arms. I take a deep breath. Then, I am ready, and I start to run.

TS At this time in my life, I am devoted to running. SD When my life gives me trouble, and I become tense and frustrated, nothing clears my head and smoothes my worries away like going for a run. CM When I slip on my sneakers, worn down to the sole and muddy, and bound down the steps of my house, all the stress in my life falls of my shoulders and out of my head. CM I settle into my pace, and everything seems brighter each time my foot touches the pavement. SD I first started running on a cross country team in sixth grade, and after my first race, I was hooked. CM I don't run competitively any more, but I try to run on my own as often as I can, because nothing else in my life gives me the thrill and deep sense of serenity I feel when I am rushing past houses and trees and the wind is in my face and I am going faster and faster. CM Running makes me free. SD Running is the fuel that pushes me forward, the reward at the end of a draining day or week. CM Without it, I could never be cheerful, and I know that my passion is healthy, too, an added bonus! CM After a strenuous day at school, when I am feeling fatigued or upset, I know that going for a run improves everything, and gives me the energy to take on the trials of school or my social life. CS I am dedicated to running; it gives me peace, strength, and happiness.

I sprint down the hill to my driveway, and I have arrived back at my house. My legs are burning and my heart is racing. I take a sip of water and I smile. I ran away my worries.

Self Assessment

1. One writing issue I am continuing to work on is using some interesting words to capture the reader. I'm not sure I used enough unique words in this essay, so maybe next time, I could replace a few overused or repeated words with something new. However, I also have to make sure the words I choose from the thesaurus aren't obscure, but instead special and fitting.

2. One strong point I see in this essay: I think I described my dedication well and made the essay easy to understand, but not boring.

3. One weak point I see in this essay: I used short sentences in both my opening and closing paragraphs, which might be an overuse of them. Maybe I could have used a variety of sentence lengths to prove the same point.

Essay 16

Maddy Neff

English 9

Mr. Salsich

February 17, 2010

A Ruined Statue and a Garden in the City:

An Essay about Two Poems

What could an ancient crumbling statue and a tranquil park in the middle of London have in common? On the surface, the poems "Ozymandias," by Percy Bysshe Shelley, and "Written in Kensington Gardens," by Matthew Arnold, seem to have completely unrelated messages. If the reader delves deeper into the words, however, similar meanings can be discovered. Both poems bemoan the loss of Earth's purity.

TS The main message in "Ozymandias" is despair for humanity as industrialization brings about the ruin of nature. SD A main thread in the poem is the misuse of power. CM Ozymandias was a great king, with a "wrinkled lip and sneer of cold command;" this description does not make for a kind-hearted, merciful ruler. CM The poem seems to tell of the irrevocable wounds a tyrannical leader can inflict on the natural world, as well as the people he rules. SD When a harsh king wants to strengthen his empire, he demands his people to do the work, and they must comply; this could destroy everything organic and living. CM In "Ozymandias," the author suggests that a ruler became a tornado of power, destroying all the life around. CM The ruler's greedy thirst drank away nature; the land became filled with wreckage, "boundless and bare," the futile soils stretching for miles. SD "Ozymandias" is an example of how industrialization pollutes the purity of nature, spills the oil of machines and the smog of smokestacks onto the white cloth of the Earth. CM Humanity wanted more, and due to this dissatisfaction, everything green and living was extracted from nature to build dirty, "lifeless things." CM An untainted environment was infected with avarice. CS Percy Bysshe Shelley conveys his grief for the natural world at the hands of a ruthless, power-hungry ruler in his poem "Ozymandias."

TS The poem "Written in Kensington Gardens" also describes the destruction of nature at the hands of mankind. SD The speaker sits in a lush meadow, pulsing with life, yet he sees that this place is a dying breed. CM In the garden, "peace [is]for ever new," and the "blowing daisies [and] fragrant grass" make the speaker feel joyful and unperturbed. CM However, "the girdling city's hum" reminds him that this beautiful garden is one of the last places left that hasn't been poisoned by mankind's quest for development and power. SD All the serenity of the natural world has been replaced by man-made chaos. CM When the speaker looks past the life thriving in Kensington Gardens, he sees the skyscrapers and dirt-choked air beyond the "black-crowned, red-boled pine trees," and he realizes "that peace has left the upper world, and now keeps only in the grave." CM This seems to suggest that real rest can only be found in death, because no living thing can escape the hectic world mankind has created. SD Nevertheless, the speaker adopts a hopeful attitude near the end of "Written in Kensington Gardens," asking the flora and fauna around him to show "that there abides a peace of thine, man did not make and cannot mar." CM The speaker is optimistic, looking for life that hasn't been damaged by commercial pollutants. CM Perhaps all is not lost after all, and some of nature's green purity can survive despite man's destructive ways. CS "Written in Kensington Gardens" is a woeful poem, mourning the peaceful nature lost to man's destructive development, but it also offers a bit of hope.

At a glance, "Ozymandias" and "Written in Kensington Gardens" are two poems each with a very different face. One has a rather elusive meaning, hidden beneath a story about a traveller and a statue fallen in the desert, and the other seems simple, about a nice day spent in the park. However, after closer inspection, it can be seen that both poems discuss how mankind's desire for power and development left nature in ruins. Under different disguises, "Ozymandias" and "Written in Kensington Gardens" tell like stories about mankind's smear on the natural world.

Self Assessment

1. One writing issue I am continuing to work on: I am still continuing to weed out unnecessary words and make my writing clean and unified. I tried to do my best with this issue in this essay, but I could probably still improve.

2. One possible strong point I see in this essay: I think I did a good job with blending the quotes into my own writing, as well as using them to prove my points in the paragraphs.

3. One possible weak point I see in this essay: I think I could have made my opening and closing paragraphs a little more interesting. I don't really use captivating hooks in either of them, I just restate what I have already said using different words.

Paraphrase

Written in Kensington Gardens

Here in this isolated empty field I rest,
Blocked by long branches on both sides,
And at its crossing, the eye remains,
The dark-tipped, red-trunked, needled shrubs sit!

Creatures develop music, each has their own
Over the enveloping city's buzz,
How lush beneath the limbs it is!
Loudly the quavering sheep-bleats rise!

Occasionally a youth will travel in the pasture
To bring his babysitter his ruined plaything
At times a bird flew above
Buried in her unfamiliar day's work

Down at my feet amazing things go by
What limitless, energetic beings are found
What stirring flowers delicious stems,
A wind-blown woodland, new and clean

The grass on the mountain is never better,
Where the weary fisherman sleeps, reclining

And, simplified of bucket and of fishing pole, 

Numbers his afternoon's reward, the fish.  

In the large planet, which streams by quickly, 

Everyone tries to enjoy life!

but immobile in my crib I

Was exhaled onto by suburban Pan

I, on mankind's wretched cry thrown, 

Wonder sometimes as I listen to them scream

That tranquility has fled from the common man's world

And rests exclusively in the afterlife.  

Although in this place is serenity always renewed

When I who observe them am gone

Even everything in the field passes

The differences of the noiseless day. 

They joyfully sleep they cross!

The flowers near, the birds are full, 

Night descends over the plains

The little boy slumbers snugly in his snug nest

Eased soul of everything! give it to me

to sense among the city's rumble

That there dwells

 

Paraphrase

Ozymandias

I encountered a man from an ancient country
Who said: "Two massive and bodiless limbs of granite
Lie in the hot sun. Close by on the sand
Partly embedded, a broken face rests, whose grimace
And chapped lip and growl of harsh order
Say that its builder well those dreams understood
That persevere enshrined in dead matter
The palm that teased them and the core that consumed
Upon the mount was inscribed
'I am Ozymandias, Ruler of all.
View my triumphs, ye powerful, and be sad. '
Nothing near is spared. Surrounded the rotting pieces
Of that humongous mess, endless and plain,
The one flat stretch of small gravel extends into the distance."

Essay 15

Maddy Neff

English 9

Mr. Salsich

February 14, 2010

The Cold Season:

An Essay about Winter

The woodstove begins to breathe its heat into the chilled rooms of the house. The pine trees sway and pop as the lonely wind races through their branches. The maple trees have given up their fiery dresses. The geese have fled the frosty edges of the swamp. It is cold. Winter is here.

Winter is my least favorite time of year. I prefer summer, when the sun is near and the air is thick and filled with the sounds of life: birds, shrieking children, cicadas in the trees. In the winter, life is gone, sleeping in the frozen soil. Everything seems dead, cold, and dry, drained of vitality. I could very easily get lost in all the darkness of the winter months, when I pine for warm summer days (subordinate clause), but luckily, I find some comfort in the small pieces of life that peek through in wintertime. A cardinal's crimson suit against the white snow, the brightness of the stars in the inky black sky on a cold, clear night, my dad's red hat with the cozy earflaps I always borrow, and hot soup and bread are the things that make me happy in winter (relative clause). Though I often wish I could live on a tropical island, I know that I would miss winter in New England. I would miss the strange freshness the day after a snowstorm, when everything is clean, covered in white. I would miss the winter trees, their spindly branches reaching up to the cobalt sky like bony hands. I would miss bundling up to go for a walk in the cold biting air, watching my breath rise in clouds, crunching through the frozen white covering the ground. Even though I prefer warmer times, these winter gifts make me so happy, and I realize that I am glad for winter.

When I think of winter, a memory always flashes in my mind. When I was younger, the frosty earth provided me with hours of fun. When winter arrived, and the ground became frozen, I would rush outside with a small shovel and start stabbing it enthusiastically into the ground. I was pretending to be a jewel miner. The frosted ground made ice crystals in the soil, and I was always very excited to go excavating for them. When the first frost comes each year, I think of this winter memory.

I know winter has arrived when my dad starts chopping wood, and the green pine needles are the only organic colors left outside, and the geese have trumpeted their way south. Even though winter is not the best time of the year for me, I did enjoy the prime ice jewel hunting as a child. These days, I can still find little treasures in the harsh winds and snowstorms, cold pearls tucked away in the sands of frozen soil. These hidden winter gems make winter worth the chill.

Self Assessment

1. One writing issue I am continuing to work on is adding some more special words. I think I could use the thesaurus more often to make the writing more interesting.

2. One possible strong point I see in this essay: Even though my topic, "Winter," was very broad, I think I still kept the essay unified, and I tried not to drawl on too much.

3. One possible weak point I see: This essay doesn't really have a purpose, other than to tell the reader about my own personal thoughts on winter. I could have written it in a different way so that the essay had a clearer message.

Essay 14

Maddy Neff

English 9

Mr. Salsich

February 9th, 2010

Love to the Rescue:

An Essay about William Shakespeare's "Sonnet #29" and My Life

At some point in life, everyone experiences heartache. William Shakespeare's poem "Sonnet #29" expresses an extreme case of broken heartedness, but love saves him in the end. In fact, I think that the entire theme of the emotional sonnet is simply love itself.

TS "Sonnet #29" is the cry of someone in despair, drowning in self-loathing, but by the end of the sonnet, all these adverse emotions are swept away by love. SD In the poem, the speaker not only feels jealousy towards other men, but also feels disgusted in himself. CM The speaker says he "desir[es] this man's art, and that man's scope," meaning he envies the style and intelligence of the people he spends time with. CM The speaker seems to be disappointed in his own lack of wealth, luck, or ability, and he is stuck at the bottom of a well. SD However, the grime of self-loathing and hopelessness is washed clean by love. CM When he remembers his love, he "sings hymns at heaven's gate," and love transports him to a place of only happiness, instead of the gloom and anger he felt before. CM "Sonnet #29" describes love as a new dawn, a clean slate, and love is the speaker's only reason for living; love fills him with pure vitality. CS Shakespeare's "Sonnet #29" tells of a love so strong and beautiful that it can redeems the speaker even when all seems lost and broken.

TS In my own life, sometimes I feel a hopelessness akin to that of the speaker in "Sonnet #29." SD Sometimes everything goes wrong. CM My mother is frustrated with me and the dog is whining for a walk and it is pitifully cold outside and the schoolwork is piling up and I am tired. (coordination) CM Times like these make me wish I were a turtle who could retreat into the depths of denial and sadness inside my shell. SD I know that I am a fortunate girl, blessed with wonderful friends, an excellent education, and many freedoms other people do not possess, but nevertheless, I often feel like I am stuck in a pit and no one will help me out. CM When I have an especially bad day, I wish someone would throw me a rope to help me climb out of the pit, but I usually "beweep my outcast state" all alone. CM The speaker in "Sonnet #29" escapes from despair by thinking of his love, but I do not have a love so strong yet; my own attempts at escape are feeble in comparison, and only offer temporary cures. CS Perhaps one day, I will fall in love, and I will feel both the hopelessness and the happiness expressed in "Sonnet #29."

Suffering is a part of life; it is something everyone must trudge through. However, the theme of Shakespeare's "Sonnet #29" shows that even the most wretched-feeling people can be plucked out of anguish by the saving grip of the talons of love. In my life, I know that a love as strong as the love described in the sonnet would rescue me from all my misery, like an eagle taking me to soar among the clouds "at heaven's gate."

Self Assessment

1. One writing issue I am continuing to work on: I am still trying to keep my writing streamlined, and only using words that I need, so that my essays are powerful but concise.

2. One strong point I see in this essay: I think I related my life to the sonnet well, especially with the coordination in my first CM.

3. One possible weak point I see: I think some of the essay might be a bit hard to understand because I could have written it more clearly. Also, I might have been able to use more specific examples from my life in the second paragraph.

Essay 13

Maddy Neff

English 9

Mr. Salsich

January 27, 2010

Truths and Lies:

An Essay about William Saroyan's "The Summer of the Beautiful White Horse" and My Life

A person is commonly judged by how trustworthy he or she is, and the value of a person's word often determines how far he or she will go. Similarly, much of what happens in both "The Summer of the Beautiful White Horse," by William Saroyan, and my life revolves around honesty.

TS Some say that honesty is the best policy, and in "The Summer of the Beautiful White Horse," this holds true. SD In the story, a young boy named Aram and his cousin Mourad, members of the Garoghlanian tribe, steal a farmer's horse, but their family's reputation for being absolutely honest saves them from trouble. CM Though stealing a horse is not an honest act, Mourad is an honest and respectable thief, exercising the white horse daily, keeping it fed and sheltered in a deserted barn, and pledging that it will be returned "in six months at the latest." (loose sentence) CM When the farmer John Byro encounters the boys with his horse, he must surely know that they have stolen from him, but "the fame of [their] family for honesty is well known to [him]," and he lets the boys pass him by, trusting in their honest natures, which they prove by returning the horse that same day. SD In fact, Mourad does not even consider what he is doing to be stealing. CM When Aram suggests to Mourad that they keep the horse for a year, Mourad leaps up in protest, shouting "Are you inviting a member of the Garoghlanian tribe to steal?" CM Since the beautiful white horse was returned to its rightful owner, and well-cared for while it was "borrowed," Mourad does not think of himself as a thief. SD Honesty seems to provide a livelihood for the Garoghlanian family. CM Even in their ridiculous poverty, they are laid back people, spurred on by Uncle Khosrove to "pay no attention" to anything, and they are known for being honest. CM This gives the tribe the gift of being trusted by everyone, and they live to support their honor. CS The theme of honesty appears again and again in "The Summer of the Beautiful White Horse," and this quality allows Aram and Mourad to slip past punishment and live up to their family's trustworthy legacy.

TS Just as an honesty was a crucial aspect of the Garoghlanian family's life, it is also a defining aspect of mine. SD Earning the trust of my parents is a challenge that I face daily. CM My parents chide me constantly for being dishonest about many things, especially about the time I spend on my computer when I should be doing other things such as studying. CM I know they just want me to be a good young lady, but I often feel like I am a soldier fighting a losing battle to keep their reliance. SD Some may find it hard to believe, but Madeline, the seemingly reliable and hardworking student, the well behaved and friendly girl, is quite sneaky. (periodic sentence) CM I am no thief by any means, but I sometimes do things I shouldn't. CM I know that I should try to make better choices and act less conspicuously, though, because being esteemed for honesty will bring me far and grant me favors in life, just as it did for Aram and Mourad. CS Honesty truly is the best policy, but I do not always live by this principle; perhaps this is a characteristic I will try to improve in the coming year.

Being an honest person certainly has its advantages, but sometimes, as in "The Summer of the Beautiful White Horse," and in my life, the truth is bent. But maybe honesty, just like everything else, should come in moderation in everyone's life.

Self Assessment

1. One writing issue I am continuing to work on is weeding out the words that I don't really need in my writing. I am trying to make my writing cleaner.

2. One strong point I see in this piece of writing is my use of the loose and periodic sentences. I thought a lot about them, and I think I built suspense well in the periodic sentence.

3. One possible weak point I see is that I didn't use many especially interesting words. I do not have many special effects or much unique style in this essay.