Essay 17

Maddy Neff

Mr. Salsich

English 9

April 5, 2010

A Quick Devotion:

An Essay about What I'm Dedicated to

My sneakers are tied and my hair is pulled back. I stretch my arms. I take a deep breath. Then, I am ready, and I start to run.

TS At this time in my life, I am devoted to running. SD When my life gives me trouble, and I become tense and frustrated, nothing clears my head and smoothes my worries away like going for a run. CM When I slip on my sneakers, worn down to the sole and muddy, and bound down the steps of my house, all the stress in my life falls of my shoulders and out of my head. CM I settle into my pace, and everything seems brighter each time my foot touches the pavement. SD I first started running on a cross country team in sixth grade, and after my first race, I was hooked. CM I don't run competitively any more, but I try to run on my own as often as I can, because nothing else in my life gives me the thrill and deep sense of serenity I feel when I am rushing past houses and trees and the wind is in my face and I am going faster and faster. CM Running makes me free. SD Running is the fuel that pushes me forward, the reward at the end of a draining day or week. CM Without it, I could never be cheerful, and I know that my passion is healthy, too, an added bonus! CM After a strenuous day at school, when I am feeling fatigued or upset, I know that going for a run improves everything, and gives me the energy to take on the trials of school or my social life. CS I am dedicated to running; it gives me peace, strength, and happiness.

I sprint down the hill to my driveway, and I have arrived back at my house. My legs are burning and my heart is racing. I take a sip of water and I smile. I ran away my worries.

Self Assessment

1. One writing issue I am continuing to work on is using some interesting words to capture the reader. I'm not sure I used enough unique words in this essay, so maybe next time, I could replace a few overused or repeated words with something new. However, I also have to make sure the words I choose from the thesaurus aren't obscure, but instead special and fitting.

2. One strong point I see in this essay: I think I described my dedication well and made the essay easy to understand, but not boring.

3. One weak point I see in this essay: I used short sentences in both my opening and closing paragraphs, which might be an overuse of them. Maybe I could have used a variety of sentence lengths to prove the same point.